What horses are teaching me about listening.

I have so many thoughts this morning. About the way my work with horses is evolving, how it keeps weaving into my work with people. I wonder why folks decide that things like intuition, are bad or not to be trusted. I sit pondering my increasing confidence in standing in my own truth and the knowing that my abilities, gifts, the medicine that I have to offer, through the modalities I have learned and within my soul, are God-given, real and good.

I have a lifelong history of buying into a story about myself that is not true and does not serve me. The funny thing about it is, people pick up on what you believe about yourself and they go along with that story too. When someone seems sure of themselves, people trust them. It’s dangerous to give away your power. This is true with people and horses. The thing is, you can lie to yourself in your human relationships, but equines do not allow it. Their instincts dictate that there has to be a leader and if it isn’t you, it will be them. They mirror back to us truths that can be uncomfortable, valuable and incredibly rewarding. Like humans, horses can become shut down or dangerous to be around when people aren’t listening.

When I was at a 5 day Masterson Method clinic, I met the woman who would become my coach throughout my years in fieldwork. She had this ability to see me, even when I was doing my magic invisibility act that was usually extremely effective. This superpower supported my inner story. The one that said I had nothing of value to offer the world and thus, should do everything in my power to stay small and out of the way. I mean, I still do it sometimes and people literally do not see me when I am right in front of them. On this day, she caught me in a stall, crying. I was working with a mare who obviously had so much happening in her body, but would not allow me to help her. Beckie asked me what was happening and after I told her, she beckoned for me to step out of the stall. “Now do the work,”she said. I was pretty confused. How could I work on the horse if I could not touch her? I was guided to do the technique from outside the stall, with intention, as if I were standing there beside her. Notice, I said on the horse. With Masterson Method, we are taught that we don’t work on the horse, we work with them. This experience would be one that helped drive that home. As I performed the technique from a distance that felt safe to the mare, she began to relax. She started to do big, slow blinks, and then…she released the tension she had been holding. In that moment, I was taught a valuable lesson on how to really listen and let the horse tell me how close, how much pressure to use, how we could work together.

A lot of time has passed since that day. In our times together, Coach Beckie always encouraged me to lean into the feel of things, to see and hear on a deeper level. I think I am still at the tip of the iceberg of understanding the depth of this as a practice. Horses that give the “hard no’s” in my work with them always teach me the most. I have to find a way to stay under their brace against whatever it is I am asking them, so that we can arrive at an answer that feels good to us both. The three mares that are currently part of our family are no exception. So far, when I have followed my gut about what they were telling me, I was right. In the horse world, often, the first assumption is that when a horse acts in a way that is not desirable to a human, it is a behavioural problem and the solution is to do whatever it takes to nip it in the bud. I am not saying that it’s ok to allow a horse to be dangerous around us or that we never correct that kind of behavior, but I am saying that it’s important to make sure we rule out a physical issue as the cause. One of our horses, has a combination of both behavioral and physical things happening with her. I knew it. Even when people were telling me to just be the boss and not let her get away with what she was doing I just knew something was off. After having her looked at by the vet, it was confirmed that she really did have a valid reason to object to what we were trying to do with her. Now, I am able to be considerate of her physical problem and also offer stronger leadership. As a result she approaches with ears forward most of the time now, she isn’t trying to bite all the time when touched or asked to do the simplest things. She still has some sass, but I work it into our play together. I drop having to stick to a certain agenda or time limit. This means that I don’t just rush out and slap a saddle on her. We do round pen work and even liberty work in a big area where she could easily run off and be far away from me, but she chooses to stay. She gets to express how she is feeling. As I remain confident, supportive, calm and happy, she is progressively more willing to relax in, and enjoy what we are doing. I have watched trainers use different approaches to gain dominance over a horse and they end up being “bomb proof”. In some cases, in my opinion, what they really are is shut down. It’s interesting when those ones finally understand that they are being heard, there is a period of time where they tell you how they really feel and if we misunderstand it, it isn’t pretty. I think it is actually beautiful. Maybe more on that in another post.

I suppose that the reason I find that the work I do with people, to help them become grounded and more aligned with their authentic selves easily holds hands with the work with horses is because it facilitates reciprocal healing. The horse is an honest creature. They require our full presence. They live in the moment , which is really all there is. It is where genuine connection lies. Real freedom. Truth. I love seeing people connect with horses on this level. The benefit to both is sacred. As I find the courage to ask, what if I am even softer, what if I look closer, listen more quietly and not care what it looks like to anyone else, profound things are starting to unfold. Horses that I could not previously make progress with are willingly partnering with me. People are expressing the value of my work with them on a physical and emotional level. It validates the knowing I have. It answers the prayers I say before I work with any being, that God will use me and guide me. I understand without question that I am right where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am meant to be doing and I can lean into and rest in that knowledge.

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