The What If Game
It happens to be Friday the 13th as I write this. My partner is a tattoo artist and his shop typically gets pretty busy on this day. I am not a fan of scary movies, jump scares or anything designed to make one feel a rush of adrenaline or fear. Fortunately, for the tattoo shops and horror movie franchises, there are plenty of people who are. What’s funny is that if I am not mindful and even intentional with my thoughts, I can have my very own series of thrillers running through my head at any given moment. I call it the “What If” game and it isn’t a good time. Imaginary scenarios like what if a rogue wave gets my daughter when she goes to the coast? What if a bear gets my partner when he is hunting? What if someone wants to come in the house and it’s in the usual state of chaos and I die of embarrassment? What if I’m dying? What if we don’t make enough money this month? What if? What if?
I have heard it said that 99% of the things we worry about never happen. And guess what? In my experience, when something shitty does happen, it gets dealt with in real time. It isn’t the same as when I’m spinning my wheels about what might happen. I have noticed that on an emotional level, the What If game holds me as an emotional hostage and keeps me stuck in an exhausting loop of anxiety and stress. In contrast, when I got the call that my Dad died unexpectedly, when I was told not once but twice, one year apart that my beloved horse had to be put down right then and there, when I went through a horrible divorce, it wasn’t that it was easier, but in each moment, I was focused on navigating the emotion that washed over me, or the decision that needed to be made. It’s different from the inner pacing and wringing of hands kind of feeling I get when I forget I can opt out of that stupid game. The current reality might suck, but at least I have some agency because there is no what if, there is what is, right there in front of me.
So what do I do when I find that I have allowed myself to get hooked by those old patterns of thoughts? I reach for my essential oils. Often, simply breathing in of some of my favorites-lavender, atlas cedar, black spruce-is enough to help my body and mind begin to unwind. They are like trusted, old friends, always there and always supportive. I’m sure that years from now, the science of how AromaPoint Therapy works will be common knowledge, with more studies and scientific proof. What I know for myself is that it creates shifts that I have never been able to feel through any other form of therapy or self-care. I feel so fortunate to know how to use them to regulate so quickly. I usually sit in quiet meditation and prayer once I have used the oils. I get out in nature. Go and just be with our horses. Take a nap. Make myself a cup of tea. Watch something that makes me laugh. Talk to someone I love.
We can make a big change in the way we feel by just looking at things in a different way. Taking a rogue thought captive and replacing it with a new story. I have put this into action on many occasions and I promise you, it changes everything. I will never forget when I realised that when I flew somewhere, whether I spent the whole time sweating and using every ounce of strength I had to not climb into the lap of the stranger sitting next to me like a frightened puppy, or I sat back and relaxed knowing that all would be well, chances were extremely high that I would arrive just the same. The question was, what would I choose to believe? Here is where a different version of the game can actually be helpful. Instead of the suspenseful, what terrible thing is going to happen? We can ask ourselves, What if something really cool is going to happen today? What if I am really successful at this? What if this turns out even better than I imagined? What if I ask a different bank and they say yes to the loan? What if I am about to meet someone who is going to become one of my dearest friends? If you forget and play the game the scary way, be gentle with yourself, grab some lavender and take in it’s scent, get outside, start over again and play the fun way. What if?! What if?!
