Thoughts on presence

Yesterday we were at the barn where my daughter takes riding lessons. When we are there, I either watch her ride or do a bodywork session with a horse at an owner’s request. Sometimes, I will do a bit of work with intention (no touch) on horses that are in their stalls if they seem to be trying to get my attention. Horses that have had sessions with me or have been nearby when I work often start yawning when I approach. I don’t think I will ever not be blown away by what happens when I work with a horse from outside of a stall. I understand to some extent how it works. Equines are so sensitive and so in tune with what’s going on around them, it’s how they survive, after all. The flick of an ear, the turn of a head is all it takes for them to communicate something to one another. When I direct my gaze and my focus to a specific part of their body, it works with their nervous system the same way it does when I apply the gentle touch I use in a hands-on session. Still, it feels like I have some secret, magic wand when I see them release tension as though I were standing right there working on their body. On this particular day I heard a commotion in a stall behind me and turned to see a thoroughbred mare bucking in place and rearing in her stall. I walked over and offered to help her release tension in her TMJ. I mentally grounded myself and became as still and present as I could. I stepped away a couple of times to allow her to process. Her responses appeared to be filled with stress and worry. I made reassuring sounds and spoke softly to her as I worked. Slowly, she started to settle. She drank a bit of water, walked outside and back in. Finally, she came in, lowered her head and then began to eat calmly.

I stepped back to look over the wall of the arena and watch my daughter ride. In the far corner there was a woman lunging her horse. A gorgeous gelding, gliding beautifully on the end of the line as she asked him to change direction or go through an obstacle. It was clear that the two of them had spent lots of time together building a nice partnership. Then I noticed something that really got me thinking. Let me say first, that I am no saint, and I have done the same thing I am about to talk about. It is just an unfortunate fact of the times we live in. It takes sometimes extreme and intentional effort to be fully present in any given moment or situation these days. For goodness sake, people can even get in touch with us through our freaking watches! As the woman was working with her horse, she would stop and engage with her phone. Maybe it was something really important and she was trying to multi-task. Perhaps she was having a hard day and there was support she needed on that phone. He who is without sin throw the first stone, right? I live in a glass house, so it won’t be me. What struck me though, was what it must feel like to the horse. Not just her horse. The tall red mare in the stall who maybe waits there all day to interact with her person or get some exercise, this horse who clearly had a bond with it’s owner and was showing up to work together with her, my own horses. We expect them to give us their full, undivided attention when we want it. We bump the lead or lunge line when they turn their attention to something other than us, and yet there we are, checking out on our phones. It makes me feel a bit of a hypocrite.

I recently read somewhere about a mom who was in the room watching her child play. She noticed how many times that child looked at her as she sat observing. I can’t remember how many times she said it was, but it was a lot. She shared that she was glad that she had not been staring at her phone and was able to meet her child’s glance, smile at them, let them know that she saw them. Gosh, when I think about how many times my kiddo looks at me and I am on my damn phone, it makes me sad. It makes me want to do better. Yesterday at the barn, I found myself pondering how my horses perceive me and wanting to do better for them too. I have lots more to say about presence, but that’s all for today. I wonder what your thoughts are on the subject?